Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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