oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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