you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
