I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You need Xanax blowdarts
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
