i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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