did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
