Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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