That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
