Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
