I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
