I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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