just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i believe in u and ur pee
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