the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
