i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
