I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
