When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
