Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
