Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
