I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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