I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
