She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
