Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
