She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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