Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
