i permit you to call me
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
