i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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