But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize