We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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