Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
