i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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