Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
