And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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