i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
