So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
