Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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