We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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