Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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