She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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