A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
