Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
