I wish I could teleport
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
