I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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