We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
