Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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