There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
