I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
