TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
