And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
