So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
