Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You don't make any sense
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