need another drink. this is the easiest way
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
