we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
