Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
