Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
