Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
