This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
