My brain says no but my pants say off.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize