the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
