It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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