I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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