Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
