I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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