I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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