He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
