So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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