all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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