gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Pooping to opera.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
