i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just found puke in my bra..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
