no. you can't hotbox the world.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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