This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
