I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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