Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
