next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
