Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
