She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
