It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
